Jokes!

Teacher       : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student        : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher       : Why?
Student        : There is no future in it.
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Teacher       : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted              : $10.
Teacher       : You don't know maths.
Ted              : You don't know my father!
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Mother        : David, come here.
David           : Yes, mum?
Mother        : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David           : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother        : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
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Father      : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son           : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father       : So?
Son          : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I
know the right answer?
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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter   : It's mummy!
Father      : How do you know?
Daughter   : She didn't say anything.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher     : Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon        : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father       : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son           : That's why I say she's no good!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher. "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' (sea) level"