Jokes!

Teacher       : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student        : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher       : Why?
Student        : There is no future in it.
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Teacher       : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted              : $10.
Teacher       : You don't know maths.
Ted              : You don't know my father!
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Mother        : David, come here.
David           : Yes, mum?
Mother        : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David           : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother        : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
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Father      : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son           : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father       : So?
Son          : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I
know the right answer?
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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter   : It's mummy!
Father      : How do you know?
Daughter   : She didn't say anything.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher     : Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon        : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Father       : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son           : That's why I say she's no good!

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Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher. "'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' (sea) level" 

You are lucky if you get 1!!!

Just for Laugh: Generous lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"T

he lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Just for Laugh: 0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife wasreally pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in thedriveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife wokeup, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a boxgift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, broughtthe box back in the house.She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.